(Editor’s note: This is the fourth of six monthly columns by Betsy Morgan, who is sharing her insights from seven years of providing assisted-living care to her elderly parents, Virginia and Otis Mellenbruch. The columns appear on the second Sunday of the month.)
In the spring, Pueblo’s Colorado Senior Law Day is held at Pueblo Community College and is hosted by several local law associations. It is well attended by its target audience; however, I expect the caregivers in the group are few.
When my parents were still in my home, I thought I had too many obligations to take time for meetings, and before they arrived the need of the information was not apparent to me. However, gathering the legal information required to assist my parents properly, while in the trenches as I was, consumed much more time than Senior Law Day, I am sure. Having this information in the beginning certainly would have relieved some major anxieties. If attendees stay for the full presentation, a copy of a Senior Law Handbook is an additional reward.
From my personal experience, I would still have our attorney prepare the important documents, although familiarity with the issues would have prepared me regarding questions and options, thus saving time and money — his time, my money.
When my parents came to live with me, they had legal wills and living wills, but no powers of attorney beyond each other. These issues were addressed fairly quickly, quite a while before there was obvious need. With wise guidance, the bank accounts were adjusted so when the need arose, I could step in and assist. My mother was a banker, and for three or so years, she was able to continue handling their financial affairs.
I came home from school one afternoon and found her sitting at her desk with bank statements spread out around her. Her greeting was, “We have a problem.” The issue was minor, a small overdraft for which she was being charged interest, but to her inner banker it was the signal that she required some help.
The point is for the sanity of the caregiver, the well-being of the cared for, and the information of pertinent relatives, these are issues best addressed early, very early, in the game.
Be prepared
Although for us this worked out OK, I believe it should have been discussed earlier and acted upon leisurely when no one felt any pressure — while Va and Ot were still at home on their mountainside. While we were getting the changes made in their legal documents, I had my own drawn up as well. Changes can always be made, and these docs should be reviewed on a regular basis. Paul Willumstad, who presents at Senior Law Day, addressed “Getting Prepared for End of Life Issues,” suggesting “every year on your birthday, think about it.” Are the current plans still what you want to have happen?
End-of-life plans should also be addressed long, long before there seems the need. When my sons were still in college and home for a holiday dinner and with my parents and other relatives present, I announced (unplanned and off the cuff) that I had figured out how I wanted to be buried. “Oh, yeah?” “Soon?” “That’s good, saves us the bother.” “Well, where?” “Not back in our cemetery at Ol’ Fairview?” This last was my dad. This was not a set-up, but now I think a happy circumstance because it opened up what could be a “hot” topic under other circumstances.
I said that I wanted to be cremated and my ashes put in a hole at the ranch with some bovimeal and a tree planted on top, wherever they wanted a tree growing. The argument over what kind of tree lasted through dessert.
Times have changed
In the olden days and last week, families expected to look after their own as they grew to need assistance, but times and circumstances and options have changed dramatically. So however we get into them, conversations that reveal wishes and hopes will give the caregiver insights and the ability to plan. Keep in mind “you can’t always get what you want, but you can sometimes get what you need” (Mick Jagger, Rolling Stones).
When I brought my parents down from their mountainside, Va brought her “forever” bag, but Ot expected to go back to his mountain in the spring. He is still waiting for spring. Circumstances often alter plans. What is appropriate for all, including the caregiver, must be the path taken. Getting to that path requires planning that is supported by professionals whose emphasis is senior-citizen focused. Pueblo has excellent and varied sources to assist the elderly — but caregivers must take time to seek out the options and ask for support. Assuming responsibility for our loved ones does not mean we have to go it alone.
Caregivers must plan ahead for the sake of our emotional, mental and physical health. It is foolish to wait until we are exhausted and desperate. SRDA, Pueblo Advisory Council on Aging, and the Area Agency on Aging are program sponsors, with information and resources to share.
See you at the next Senior Law Day.
Betsy Morgan is a former English professor at Pueblo Community College and has a Ph.D. in archetypal psychology and cultural anthropology. She can be reached at tabarro01@gmail.com.
<!—->
No comments:
Post a Comment